Very often, I come across people in the spiritual community telling me that they believe someone is their twin flame or soulmate. The most popular idea of a twin flame is that there is someone out there who will complete you and make you whole. When you connect with your supposed twin flame, you will feel that they are a part of you, and you are a part of them, and together you become one. The most popular idea of a soulmate is someone you are destined to be with, and it is only when you meet your soulmate that you will be really happy. These are clever tricks that have been used by dark entities for millennia. Religions, spiritual communities, movies and TV shows promote the ideas of soulmates or twin flames in some way. They sound great and romantic at first, but if we examine deeper, they have very negative implications on our lives.
First and foremost, finding your twin flame or soulmate becomes a typical ego goal, where it makes you believe that you will be whole, complete and happy once you have something or someone. Like all ego goals, it takes you away from the present moment and keeps you hoping that you will be happy in the future once a certain condition is satisfied. But, as we have explained in previous blogs, true happiness can only be found in the present moment. So, we spend lifetimes searching for someone who can make us feel happy, but this search is what is preventing us from being in the present moment where true happiness actually lies.
Secondly, if you believe that you need to meet your twin flame or soulmate in order to be happy or complete, then this belief prevents you from feeling whole and complete within yourself. You are already whole and complete, and everything you need can be found within you. But if you feel you need something or someone outside of yourself, then you never go within to find what has always been there. The whole spiritual awakening journey can be summed up as going within to find what you have always been looking for from external sources. Anything that distracts you from going within has in some way been influenced by negative forces.
Even though most people don’t consciously know this, we are all searching for the Divine. We all have a feeling that there is something missing from our lives, but not many people realise that this is the soul’s inner longing to be with the Divine. This longing arises as a result of choosing to experience separation from the Creator here in the third dimension. And so we end up searching for the Divine outside of ourselves. Whenever we love someone or something, we are loving the Divine qualities they embody. For instance, you may love someone because of their beauty or intelligence, or their loving, peaceful, graceful or joyful nature, or perhaps their fearlessness, compassion, kindness or strength. We may love something because of the creativity, beauty or intelligence inherent within that thing. We may love an animal or a child because of their innocence, cuteness, and the wonder they have for life. These are all divine qualities. And so, we end up loving those things or people that we can see the Divine through.
But the belief in twin flames and soulmates promotes a love that is limited to only one partner. This love is also conditional, for we will love someone as long as they fulfil the criteria that we believe our twin flame or soulmate should have. But if anyone doesn’t fulfil those criteria, we do not allow ourselves to be fully loving towards them. This conditional and limited form of love is always very intense, with many emotional ups and downs. Because you have associated your happiness with someone or something outside of yourself, you will be happy when they fulfil your expectations, but unhappy when they do not fulfil your expectations, and the love you have towards them will be dependent on how happy you feel around them. This is typical ego behaviour, where it projects the cause of your feelings to something or someone outside of you. But anything or anyone outside of you can only act as a trigger to awaken what is already within you. So, if you are happy around someone, they have helped you awaken that happiness from within yourself. And if someone makes you angry, again, they have helped bring out that anger that was already within you. When you do not go within to find happiness and oneness within yourself, life may bring you people who can help you awaken those qualities from within you. But we become reliant on these outside triggers rather than learning that life is teaching us that we can find what we are looking for by going within.
True love is unconditional and unlimited. It is not intense but peaceful. There are no highs and lows, but instead, true love is a constant permanent state. In this state, you love yourself, you love everyone else, and you love life itself. It doesn’t matter who the other person is or what they do or say, you will love them. And because you love yourself, you do not rely on others to feel happy, whole and complete. Your happiness will no longer be tied to people or things outside of yourself. Therefore, you never worry about if and when you will find a twin flame or soulmate or partner. To get into this constant state of true love, you must be able to see the Divine through everything and everyone, and so you must understand the concept of oneness. When you believe in separation, you believe that only some people or things embody the Divine, and so your love will be limited to those things or people. This is why the belief in twin flames or soulmates is dangerous — it makes you believe there is only one person out there that you are to love so dearly. It puts limits and conditions on your love, and further promotes the belief in separation.
The principle of not limiting your love to just one person may initially make you uncomfortable. This is because you strongly equate love with sex, and society tells us that we should limit our sex to one person. Therefore, indirectly, we are told that there is only one person that we can deeply love at any point in time. Any limits that are put on love like this have been negatively influenced in some way. As a result of strongly associating love with sex, if two partners do not have sex for a while, they believe that their love for each other is diminishing. And if a man has sex with someone who is not his partner, his partner will feel that he does not love her anymore. It is also why we don’t allow ourselves to deeply love anyone who we are not sexually attracted to. But true love is not about sex. Yes, sex is a beautiful act of exchanging loving energies between two people, but there are many other ways of exchanging loving energies. Think about the best moments in your current and past relationships. What were the times you felt best during those relationships? Was it when you were having sex? Or was it when you were exchanging lovely words with each other, or sharing lovely experiences with each other, or doing kind things for each other, or staring into each other’s eyes, or supporting and listening to each other, or when you were laughing or playing together? Sex is a beautiful exchange of energies, but there are more memorable, effective and longer-lasting ways of giving love to someone. Sex is therefore not a necessary condition of love by any means. When you realise this, you will understand that just because you love someone dearly, it does not mean that you cannot have that same love for another person, and you will begin to allow yourself to love all people equally.
You may also feel uncomfortable at the thought of your partner being in love with many other people as well as you. This is because your ego wants to feel special. It wants to be the sole focus of someone’s attention and love. It wants to feel like it was chosen above all others. Your ego feels that if your partner is in love with others as well, it means your ego is not special or worthy of love. It then starts to fear being alone. But all this means is that you are just as special as everyone else, and you are just as worthy of love as everyone else. And remember, it also means that more people will be in love with you as well. The ego’s fears are completely unfounded and silly.
Yes, there may be some people that you are guided to have close relationships with. But this isn’t so that you rely on them in order to feel whole, complete and happy. If you follow your heart, you will always be guided to those who you can teach and who can learn from you. They will also usually be people who want to share certain experiences with you so that you can both learn from these experiences together and/or you can both play the roles of teachers during those experiences by helping others together. When you realise life is a school, you will begin to see how the people in your life are your teachers and students. And the ones you have closer relationships with are your best teachers and students. We are all here to grow, learn, and raise our vibration together. When you believe someone is your twin flame or soulmate, you are likely to rely on them for certain qualities. You feel they bring certain qualities to the relationship, and you bring different qualities to the relationship, and together you are whole. But this does not encourage you to grow or learn at all. Instead, if you view the other as your teacher, you can use them as your inspiration to awaken the divine qualities that they exhibit within yourself. And when you see the other as also your student, you can help inspire them to awaken the divine qualities that you exhibit within themselves. In this way, you both help each other become whole and happy within yourselves rather than needing the other in order to feel happy and complete. You help each other see the Divine within yourselves, and that is the most beautiful gift you can give to anyone. Then, you can further help each other by inspiring each other to see the Divine within all others. When you are able to see the Divine in all of creation, the whole concept of twin flames and soulmates becomes silly.
The only plausible explanation of a twin flame is that one flame represents the divine feminine energy, and one flame represents the divine masculine energy. However, no matter what gender you are, you have both the divine feminine and masculine energies within you. These are just two aspects of your own consciousness. This is the true meaning of the Holy Trinity — the father is the divine masculine, the divine feminine is the Holy Spirit, and the son (or daughter) is you, and together they are all one. You are the offspring of both your divine parents, a combination of both of them. Yes, most of us have an imbalance, where we embody one flame more than the other, but it is our job to balance these energies within ourselves. However, by believing that someone is your “twin flame”, you become lazy. Instead of trying to correct the balance within yourself, you look to someone who, when you become partners with them, balances you out. So, if you embody more of the divine feminine energy, then you will look for a partner that will embody more of the divine masculine energy. You become lazy and reliant on them to provide you with what is already within you and is waiting to be awakened. This leads to co-dependency and obsession with your partner. Instead, partners ought to help each other to correct any imbalances within themselves, so that they don’t need to rely on the other.
If you are meant to be partners with someone, then life will guide you towards that person. It will be easy and effortless. However, if you are single and you worry about meeting your twin flame or soulmate, or you make big efforts to try to find your twin flame or soulmate, you are wasting your energy because you are resisting life. You are always experiencing what you need to be experiencing in order to help you spiritually grow and learn at your particular stage of spiritual development. If you are single, then you are meant to be experiencing more time with yourself. When the time is right, you will be in a relationship with someone. Until then, savour what the present moment is trying to teach you instead of wasting your time trying to find your supposed soulmate or twin flame.