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Why Other People Try To Influence What You Do

Updated: May 2, 2023

Greetings beloved being of love and light. Have you ever wondered why other people care so much about what you do with your life, and why they try to influence what you do? Let’s take a closer look at why this happens and how to deal with it.


Most people are not truly, unconditionally, permanently happy. That is because they are associated with their egos. An ego cannot be truly happy because true happiness can only be experienced when one sees the ego for the illusion that it is, and goes beyond their ego to discover who they truly are. The closest thing to “happiness” that an ego can experience is the very short-term satisfaction when its goals, desires and expectations are met. The ego enjoys these things because it gives the ego the impression that it is able to control life. The ego is an illusion created by your mind’s programming. It is not real. However, it does what it can to seem real. And when it thinks it has been able to control life, it gives the ego a sense of validity, a sense of being real, a sense of being alive.


As a result, every ego puts expectations on everything and everyone. If you believe that your mind doesn’t put expectations on anyone, you are mistaken. You expect your colleagues to do their jobs, and do them well. You expect your parents to be there for you when you need them. You expect your children to be well-behaved and get good grades at school. You expect your partner to do certain jobs around the house and to pick you up when you are down. You expect your friends to show you a good time when you are together. You expect your postman to deliver your post. You expect the cashier at the supermarket to scan all your shopping. You expect other drivers on the road to follow all driving rules. You may expect people you walk by to smile at you. And these are only just a few examples.


Behind every expectation is the intention to control life so that those expectations are met. If the expectations are met, your ego is satisfied for a very short time. If the expectations are not met, your ego becomes angry, often for much longer periods than the satisfaction it experiences when its expectations are met. Of course, life often does not go your ego’s way, which is why most people who are associated with their egos are not happy and are often frustrated and angry. You may wonder why the ego creates expectations then? It’s because without expectations, the ego would not feel that sense of being validated and alive when its expectations are met. Without expectations, there is no desire to control life, and controlling life is one way the ego tries to prove to you, the real you, that it is real. Without the desire to control life, the one who tries to control (your ego) will be out of a job and be rendered useless. The ego wants to prove its usefulness to you so that you keep it around.


So now we now why we all have expectations of each other. These expectations lead to us, usually subconsciously, trying to control what other people do and say so that our expectations of them are met. Therefore, people try to influence what other people do. And when we do not fulfil other people’s expectations of us, those other people get frustrated and angry. This is particularly seen within families. Parents often have many expectations of their children throughout their lives. Even when their children become adults, their parents might expect them to get a high-paying job, to get married, to visit them regularly, to have children of their own, etc. As a result of these expectations, the parents often try to push their sons and daughters to meet their expectations, and if they don’t, the parents feel angry, unhappy or disappointed and blame these emotions on their children.



But we are all not here to try to meet other people’s expectations. We are not here to do the bidding of other people’s egos. We are not here to try to receive as much of this conditional love and acceptance from others as we can. We are here to follow our hearts, do what brings us joy, and live our lives exactly how we want to. Other people’s reactions to what we do and say when we live like this are not our problem. Whether other people are satisfied or angry with us, we are not the cause. The cause of their reactions and how they feel is the fact that they had expectations to begin with. And when you follow your heart, you will be on your way to discovering the permanent, unconditional love from within you, which is much much more beautiful than any conditional, short-term, limited love/acceptance you may receive from other people when you meet their expectations.


What’s more, when one follows their heart and does what brings them joy in every moment, one will not care what other people are doing with their lives. Your happiness will not depend on other people meeting your ego’s expectations, and so the desire to control others will be dropped. Only those who are unhappy will want to control others because, in lieu of true happiness, they aim for the ego’s best alternative, which is the short-term satisfaction when expectations are met. So the moment we all follow our hearts and enjoy our lives, we will live in a world where people don’t have expectations of each other and therefore don’t try to control each other. It will be a world of total freedom and unconditional love.

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